A Dream Deferred

Lost…. Wish I could just change my feelings you made it seem soo easy just move on like that… Call me manipulative sure you manipulated me so far as to thinking everything was going to be okay when you said you know what it’s like to feel this pain that’s going on why would you make someone who just simply wanted to be with you make you feel so low makes me stronger yeah it dose well breaking me down yes it’s been a month n everything I fell is still the exact same like I miss the person I fell in love with because I just can’t get over what my hart feels like that takes time I herd yeah sure dose take time feelings change in time yes they do but when you love someone it just doesn’t change life lesson I’ve been told everything in the god damn book “you deserve better ” ” you should be happy your away” “everything will be okay ” ” he didn’t treat you right ” etc. I understand and appreciate everyone’s concerning words I do I don’t just take it for granted i took it to hart and tried apply those words to my mind but they woudnt register properly because call me crazy or what ever you wish I just don’t understand what’s so bad with wanting to be with someone you love everything it seems yes all the distress and trouble caused I should of registered in my head to just let go but it hasn’t love isn’t just a word I throw out there on the daily I’ve only used it once and meant it then I get broken down for saying it never knew so much anger could come from someone just loving someone just can’t get over it as easy as you did cause I have no one to fall back onto because I chose not to just fall back onto someone with a broken hart cause then my actions would then be considered selfish I’m not selfish for following my hart and wanting to be with someone …I’m in the wrong place me there won’t change my feelings

Never thought it would be this hard dont even register why I still feel this way got to me again …

You just realize that it’s just not worth chasing after someone especially when you think to yourself why am I doing this when I know the person doesn’t give a damn about my feelings just as long as there’s are secured they will go in every means to make me look bad making someone look bad when all they had were good intentions to love someone with all there hart go for it I can stand hear and TRUTHFULLY say I was over reacting to a point where I felt as if I needed this person in my life because he made me feel safe and completely happy and when it is taken from you by someone you would of trusted with your life I just wonder why did I devote so much care time and effort into someone who just sugar coated everything and then made me feel like everything is going to be okay just feeding you with lies then completely giving up on a “friend” who just wanted you to say your my friend and I wouldn’t jeopardize it in any means but ill just stand hear and be the bigger person hearing everyone’s outburst on this situation I bottle things up yes I do couldn’t tell me something I didn’t know the reason for bottling things up is because when you inform everyone on what your feeling you just get sugar coated bullshit making me hear what you think I will contain myself to myself until I believe someone truly cares I’m not going to open my hart out again to curious eyes that’s why I bottle things up because I’m terrified of just completely opening up to someone just to have them not understand why I think the way I do why I just can’t get over it because you don’t just get over love unless you don’t mean it call me old school or what not but when I say I love you it actually means its purpose of love and you just sit there and contemplate why is it so bad to just follow your feelings because your not suppose to leave a path of broken harts behind you to mend your unsatisfied one ..someone who would have done what ever means just to see them smile because of me that’s all I wanted was mutual caring n understanding hear my side and you’ll be hesitant to say something try me I might surprise you or just believe what you hear I’ve grown up a lot just realizing what life is about and how to stand up for myself and I still see threw everyone